Our self-worth is not determined by the acceptance of others
The 1st guest post! | a poem | a drawing
Issue 110
This is the very first guest post on HopeMail, by Debbie Loh. š„³
Debbie is a dear friend of mine who writes, plays the guitar, works in a church, has too many plants at home; loves God, the Bible, and her husband.Ā
She blogs too.
I read this essay, resonate deeply with it, and Iād love for you to read it too.Ā
It talked about our identity and the psychological trap that some people are in, subconsciously seeking acceptance on social media.
No. Itās not a millennial thing. I have heard of a sweet lady in her 60s who, after her Facebook post didnāt get many likes; questioned, āWas my post not good?ā
I mean, like, GAH! This is insane.
I, too, am not spared. (Not proud of it, but itās the truth.) Thatās one of the reasons why I took several breaks from social media over the past couple of years. Plus, Iāve lost the taste for sharing where Iāve been, who Iām with. Plus (canāt have too many plusses), Iām uncomfortable with how ātheyā are mining our dataā¦which we happily dished out to them in shovels.
I might write another piece on the psychological effects and the darker side of social media in the future. But in this issue, hereās a beautifully-written essay by Debbie, on self-worth.
Here comes the sunāby Debbie Loh
We live in a world where our feelings of self-worth are determined by the responses of others. Through likes, comments, DMs. These little responses give us the emotional rush that makes us feel like we did or said something right.
Like we are recognised, acknowledged, liked.Ā
Like we are seen.
Like we are known.
That a bunch of people knew something about what we have to offer to the world.
That a bunch of people saw a part of us that was beautiful and praiseworthy.
And we relish the fact that some people did see us.
Did see our beauty and goodness.
And some days, we donāt get the responses we hope for. Was my photo not good enough? Was the thing that my photo captured not good enough? Why was it less popular than the others? But I liked that memory, or quote, a lot.
And on and on it goes.
I was gazing out of my balcony one day and I noticed that the Japanese roses I had always faced the sun. Iād put them there forĀ myĀ enjoyment, because they were pretty to look at with the bright, dazzling colours that they would offer every day. But all I would see would be their sides or their backs. Their best side, their prettiest side, was facing the sun.
I could always turn them toward me to enjoy but I knew that before long their faces would turn back to lap up the rays of the sun.
I then began to imagine myself as the flower, with my face turned toward God who is my source of life, lapping up His rays of light contentedly.
Wouldnāt my best side be most apparent to God, who feeds and provides for me? Wouldnāt He, being the one who makes me beautiful, be also the one who delights in me the most, since my face is turned toward him?
You see, if I was a foolish flower, turnedĀ awayĀ from the sun, I mightnāt be as pretty as if I was gazingĀ atĀ the sun, since that is the optimal way I can take in the sun. And since Iām a normal regular sane flower, Iām turnedĀ towardĀ the sun, would I not be the most beautiful and good version of myself?
Would not this mean thatĀ only the sunĀ canĀ seeĀ the best version of myself? (If you stood in the position of the sun, youād be blocking the sunās rays from me. Not optimal.)
Wouldnāt that mean that those around me do not and cannot have the best view of me, and therefore are not even able to provide me with the affirmation and delight that I desire? The desire, or need, to be known. The desire, and dare I say,Ā need, to be seenā¦?
In Psalm 139, the Psalmist is captured by the rays of light that radiate from God. His gaze is fully upon God, whom he realises is always watching over him, and knows him fully. Knowing this brings the Psalmist deep wonder and joy. It reminds of that moment when Jesus was in the River Jordan, and a voice said āYou are my Son, in whom I am well pleased.ā
The Psalmist is captivated by His Creator, who knitted him from his motherās womb. God sees and knows him through and through, as light that shines brightly upon a flower.
As I imagine the Psalmist saying these words in adoration, I wonder, what is Godās seeing when He is looking at the Psalmist? And, I do believe He sees what we as onlookers are not fully seeingāthe best version of the Psalmist gazing at God in rapturous awe.
I am almost 100% certain that no one else gets this view but God.
I am 100% certain that He deserves this (exclusive?) view of us.
And I am 100% certain that we need to know that.
Poem
Our self-worth is not determined by the acceptance of others. But by the One who created us.
Something to think about
āIf you canāt stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.ā Though this phrase was used to tell people to stop complaining about a difficult situation or to stop doing it, I find it useful to tell myself that if being on social media, or my activity on social media is not doing me much good (or more harm than good), I can always choose to leave.Ā
Are you on social media? Whatās your relationship with social media?
Someone shared this with you? Join the HopeMail newsletter and receive two issues each month. See you in my next issue on Friday, April 30th.
Thanks for sharing this, and the anecdote too! To quote from a book I read recently "The medium is the message" -- the medium / media shapes us. (Amusing ourselves to death by Neil Postman, which was written in the pre-socmed 80's as a commentary / critique of the television.)
~Debbie